The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
