I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
