its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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