They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
