Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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