All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
