How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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