allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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