OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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