i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
