Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
