she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize