Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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