who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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