If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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