Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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