Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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