Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
