I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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