how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
