I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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