Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize