Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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