God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
