Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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