you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
