My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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