And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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