so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
