I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize