Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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