Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize