Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
