I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
