sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
