I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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