He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
