spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
