thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
