it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
