I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
