The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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