You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
