I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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