I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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