My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
