I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
