I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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