My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
