The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize