Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
