omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
