I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
