My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
