dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
