Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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