i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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