Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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