he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
