you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
