I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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