Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
