I want to have your abortion
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
