there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
