So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize