Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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