I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
