i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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