Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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