I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
