im drinking this country out of the recession.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
